Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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