Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize