Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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