I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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