I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize