I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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