i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize