The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize