Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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