4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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