You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize