nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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