you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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