Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He shit in the fireplace
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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