I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize