Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize