can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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