I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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