Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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