Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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