Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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