how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just pee around me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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