By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize