We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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