How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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