last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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