I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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