Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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