Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize