i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize