did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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