I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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