that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize