Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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