I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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