The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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