I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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