we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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