i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We left the knife in your bed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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