Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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