i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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