margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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