She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize