we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize