When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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