When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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