Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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