you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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