He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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