im drinking this country out of the recession.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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